Thursday Night Rant: Eat it?

Sambal pizza? Like, euwww…

Please lah. We already eat just about everything else with sambal on the side, now we’re supposed to have it as a pizza? To quote my late dad: “Bagi pree pun tak hingin”.

And why are we so keen in ruining other people’s dishes?

I mean, if Italians were to take our nasi lemak and slap cheese on to it, what do you think our reaction will be? “Nak mampus ke letak cheese kat nasi lemak?” we’d say.

So, can you imagine what Filipo Inzaghi and co might be saying about this sambal pizza?

Strike A Pose, There's Nothing To It... Really?

Why is it that when distinguished gentlemen are asked to pose for a magazine or newspaper story, they'd most probably do this...






Then again, I can't say I've never been guilty of this myself...
m.zulkifli
m.zulkifli

Alahai Alba!

A pretty hot GQ issue, this. And the copy I bought had no torn pages! Totally worth the RM19.95...

The 7 Coolest Things Of The Past 7 Days

1. American Idol comes to a glorious end
And oh, performers that finale night had a combined age of 12,654 years…

2. Federer to play Sampras in KL later in the year
Much better than that Man U vs Malaysian Suckers, I mean "Selection", match!

3. The new Joker revealed
I’m scared already….

4. Metallica man Lars Ulrich and Gladiator actress Connie Nielsen get a baby boy
Bryce Thadeus Ulrich-Nielsen is his name. I can see the dude leading a rock band already!

5. Angelina Jolie appears in a dress which is not black!
They should make some commemorative stamps or something…

6. Another USD100m plus movie opening courtesy of Pirates
SUMOlah has also made 100 million… rupiah.

7. Keira Knightley reveals her wish on a radio show…
“I would love to have tits! I would love to have Monica Bellucci’s figure, I’m never going to get it. I’m naturally who I am.”

The 3 Uncoolest Things

1. Lindsay Lohan arrested for Driving Under the Influence
Police also found cocaine in her car. Doomed even before she turns 21.

2. EPL season ends
Now we have to make do with Premier League Snooker…

3. Kurt Cobain appears in unauthorized Dr. Martens ads
There are other Nirvana members who are still alive, you know???

If Real Life Was Like Akademi Fantasia

· We’d all be dressed like Chamelon cashiers. Or worse…

· Every time we introduce ourselves, we’d follow it up with a catchphrase. “Hi, my name is Azroy. MANTAPPPP!!!”

· We’d cry for our competitors. “You made less sales than me? Huwaaa… Why? Why? Huwaaa….”

· We’d cry for just about anything. “I miss my neighbour’s brother’s cat. Huwaaa…”

· Our English will forever be that of a primary schooler's standard.

· A so-called “host” will always try to steal our thunder.

· We are encouraged to have love affairs.

· There’ll always be someone bitching about our pitching.

· At the end of everyday, we’d breakout into a theme song.

And finally…

· Fatties will never win.

Thursday Night Rant: Please don't tell me!!!

Geez, it’s kind of impossible not to know anything these days. Yes, even when you want to avoid a piece of information for whatever reason, you can be sure it’ll reach you one way or another.

A couple of years ago, I was so into Rock Star: INXS, and on the day of its result show, I was so psyched up to catch the same-day repeat screening. And to avoid knowing the result, I refused to log on to any website, or even to my email.

Then, some idiot I didn’t even really know popped up on the yahoo messenger and happily announced: “JD Fortune won Rock Star”.

“F*** you, I didn’t want to know! I was going to watch the repeat tonight,” I said. The loser replied, “ekekekeke”. He didn’t think I was serious until I made it absolutely clear, “F*** you lah”. I’ve not heard from him since.


American sports scores are also hard to avoid. It’s plastered everywhere on the net. Arrrghhh… can’t news agencies be a tad inefficient once in a freakin’ while?

And let’s talk about this morning…

Mission: avoid discovering who won American Idol. I was doing okay resisting the temptation to check out those American entertainment websites when I received an SMS news alert from The Star.

And there it was. “_____ has won American Idol”.

Totally and utterly despicable…

Caption Time!

Borat's new bride knew he needed to be amused

Exclusive! Champions League Final Celebrity Predictions!

"Of cos I pick Liverpool to win. AC Milan may look the better team on paper, but Benitez seems to have the luck in the Champions League, and he knows how to play European clubs. Captain Steven Gerrard will also rise to the occasion. I also think there’ll be plenty of goals, maybe a 3-2 win for Liverpool. Another classic final is on the cards… "
Seelan Paul, radio personality & boss



"It’ll be an interesting match. But if Milan play with vengeance in mind, they will feel more of the pressure. Liverpool have nothing to lose and I think Dirk Kuyt will make a difference and Craig Bellamy to provide a different option. But again, if Milan play like they did against Man Utd and erase the pain of 2005 from their minds, they can win the final. "
Vince, award-winning artiste




"Liverpool will win ‘cos I said so!"
Ahmad Izham Omar, 8TV CEO







"I hope AC Milan will right the wrongs of 2005, but I also think that if they take the lead against Liverpool, they will suffer a lapse of concentration in the last 10mins. So it’ll be a close win for Milan or the Reds will steal it at the death. And oh, having a streaker on the pitch will add to the entertainment . Ha ha!"
Ain, ntv7 producer & presenter


"I watched the final in 2005 and that was a cracking game. I think Italian football has bounced back since their World Cup win. They play more attacking football these days. So I’m picking Milan to win 2-0."
Emmett, Butterfingers



“I think Milan have peaked in the competition. They gave their all in the semis, especially in the second leg. Plus, Liverpool don’t play like Man U. The Reds know how to defend. I also have a funny feeling Benitez will play Gerrard on the right and start Kewell on the left. Liverpool to win 2-1.”
Manvir, sports presenter

And what about my own prediction? Wanna ask some more, is it? Of cos I’m picking the Reds to take the trophy home. It’s gonna be tight though. Milan will definitely score, so it will take an extra time winner – and I have a funny feeling it’s gonna come from Riise – by Liverpool to break Milan (and other jealous) hearts yet again.

Catch all the action Wednesday morning 2am on ntv7

The 7 Coolest Things Of The Past 7 Days

1. Federer conquers (and squashes) Nadal on clay at Hamburg Masters
Get set for a memorable French Open next!

2. Heroes spinoff announced
More cool freaks on the cards…

3. The magnificent new Wembley host FA Cup final
Too bad the game between England’s two jaguh kampongs Chelsea and Man U was a snoozefest…

4. Paris to only serve half of 45-day prison sentence
If you think about it, her life story would be even more exciting now.

5. Simon Cowell now worth GBP200m
Too bad his fortunes couldn’t save Melinda.

6. Lindsay Lohan named World’s Hottest Woman by Maxim magazine
Somewhere over the rainbow…

7. Harry Potter author JK Rowling donates a “large sum” to a reward fund for a missing girl
Now that’s magic.


The 3 Uncoolest Things

1. This abominable get-up worn during the AF final
The girl is scarred for life…



2. Valentino Rossi again finishes off the podium at the French GP
We don’t like it when Valentino’s vulnerable.

3. New rumours of a Spice Girls comeback pop up
They should add another member – old spice.

Caption Time!

The Dentyne ambassador went a bit too far

Isn't It Ironic?

There was an AP report earlier today on an interview with YouTube founders (now billionaires) Chad Hurley and Steve Chen. The duo talked extensively on YouTube's next steps and the continued threats of lawsuits.

But what was most interesting to me was this para...

"The leaders of the online video revolution declined the AP's request to videotape the interview."

As Miss Morissette once sung: ISN'T IT IRONIC?

Thursday Night Rant: Tengoklah!

Afdlin Shauki's latest movie Sumolah is not doing well at the cinemas. So much so that the man himself has made an emergency personal plea via his blog for people to go and watch the film. Read it here.

The dude has enjoyed great success with his previous films and it's quite puzzling why his latest effort is not bringing in the bucks, especially when you consider the sumo-sized promo (sorry, couldn't resist that) supported by telco X that began since early in the year.

All this though reminds me of Hanya Kawan a few years back, helmed by Afdlin's bud Harith Iskander.

The film had star power in the form of Hans Isaac and Ella, and the hype was on hyperdrive for the longest time. Which was also its problem. Posters of the movie (which were cool, btw) were up long before the film was released. And by the time it actually hit the cinemas, people basically had had enough of it. (The posters also had turned kuning).

I don't really believe you can over-promote anything, but that was what happened with Hanya Kawan.

Then again, Sumolah's problem might be something else.

m.zulkifli

You knowlah. That itsy bitsy spider...

It's A Good Thing!

Yes, I watch Martha Stewart on ntv7 everyday now. Well, I have the TV switched on most of the time when I’m in the office, so I kinda watch everything, all the time (Yeah, even those infomercials on getting bigger breasts. Mine are fine though, thank you).

But I actually stopped doing everything else and properly watched the show this morning ‘cos Martha had Carmen Electra as her guest! And although it was a pretty old episode, I still couldn’t stop indulging.

And for those who missed it, here’s some Carmen trivia I picked up and highlights of the show, just for you…

Prince gave the name Carmen Electra to her. “If Prince want to change my name, why not?”

She was set up on a blind date with (now ex-hubby) Dave Navarro and it was “love at first sight.”

Has done a workout video called Aerobic striptease. “I didn’t want it to be for the guys.” Uh huh.

m.zulkifli
When talking about Navarro, Electra said: “I finally got a good one.” Ahem. Really, sweetie?



She also described Navarro this way: “He’s a handsome little fellow.” Ouch. But yeah, the dude is short…

Prince and Navarro share the same birthday, June 7th.

Carmen: There’s still hair on the chicken.
Martha: Chicken has feathers Carmen. Not hair…
Carmen: Well, they look like hair…

Martha: Do you know what saffron is?
Carmen: I don’t.

“If this was like a curling iron or hairspray, I have it down, you know?” Carmen said while grating cucumbers.

Say What?

Since she's kind of the flavour of the moment, I've seen various writeups on presenter, actress, and singer Ogy Ahmad Daud in recent months.

And this particular piece came out in an English daily yesterday (not The Borneo Post). The writer started with a bit of background on Ogy and went on to call her the "female Simon Cowell".

Then came the next para...

"Recently, I watched her film Ali Setan and its sequel Ali Setan 2, both definitive 1980s Malay movies in which she (Ogy) oozed screen chemistry with Azmil Mustapha."

I have to totally disagree seeing how Ogy WAS NOT in Ali Setan 2. She dropped out of the movie and was replaced by some Sasha chick and that was why the sequel never made it big.

So the question now is, did the writer actually watch the movies before writing this piece? Or he got mata kero and didn't see that Asmidar in the 2nd film was not Ogy Ahmad Daud?

The 7 Coolest Things Of The Past 7 Days

1. Civil servants to get pay rise
And the public to get an increase in service. Hopefully…

2. Eric & “Chesty” Danielle win Amazing Race: All Stars
Which means Charla & Mirna didn’t win. Phew!

3. Superman Returns win big at the 33rd Annual Saturn Awards
Including for Best Fantasy Film, Best Director and Best Actor. I'm not alone!

4. E! channel
It’s been a couple of weeks, but most of us still can’t get enough of it.

5. Cameron and Justin smooch on Shrek 3 red carpet
Not sure if that’s enough for the film to make more money than Spider-Man 3 though.

6. Gripping end to the EPL season
And oh yeah, that AIG on Man U’s jersey? Stands for: Almost In Greece. Thanks Graig for that one!

7. Janet Jackson turns 41
And from what we’ve seen, still looking good JJ!

Tabloid Tales

Naturally, most of the tabloids out there focused on 3 big local entertainment stories this past fortnight, i.e.: Aziz M Osman’s divorce, the alleged assault by a 47-year-old famous singer on his 25-year-old wife and the accusation by a teenage boy that our own Raja Gelek M. Daud Kilau had sodomised him.

Mingguan Warta Perdana had the latter barring all, denying that the 19-year-old boy was his personal assistant and that he had been robbed by the boy, and the accusation came after a police report had been lodged. So who exactly is the boy to Dato Daud? “I got to know the boy about 7 months ago after bumping into him at a shopping mall,” he was quoted as saying.

Police are still investigating the case so I shall refrain from saying anything more. Although I do question the tabloid’s placement of the piece “Homoseksual punca AIDS” (“homosexuality causes AIDS”), next to the poor Dato’s profile.

m.zulkifli

And here’s another publication making its debut in this column, Getaran Jiwa…

Priced at RM2.80, GJ is filled with the usual I-spotted-a-ghost features, relationship stories and sensational exposes (with plenty of interesting “gambar hiasan”).




The headline of the fortnight is again courtesy of Mingguan Warga Kota…

m.zulkifli

Loosely translated: “Single girls prefer jelly guys”. Softies, in other words. And here’s the most sensational part: apparently, gals out there – especially undergrads – are into these softies not because they’re romantic, and know their way to a woman’s heart, but for their sexual prowess.

According to this report, a number of these super softies are actually getting paid for their "services" and the money’s used to fund their studies. “Mereka menawarkan harga paling rendah untuk pelajar seperti kami,” confessed one satisfied customer. While another was quoted as saying, “Mereka bijak mencari ‘suis’ untuk memuaskan kami.” (“They’re smart enough to find the right ‘switch’ to satisfy us”).

m.zulkifli

Not sure if these softies are vocational students...

Thursday Night Rant: Committee anyone?

Since early this year, I’ve been lucky enough to attend seminars and workshops on matters related to new media and digital content. And there are loads to talk about ‘cos the problems are aplenty in this area.

But no, I won’t be getting into that here. Instead, let me just share with you the one big solution often proposed at most of these seminars (get ready for it): … “Kita tubuhkan committee”. (“We form a committee”).

And this applies to just about everything related to the matter. How to market content overseas? Kita tubuhkan committee. How to ensure rights of IP owners? Kita tubuhkan committee.

So ok, sometimes there are other solutions offered. One of which is (get ready for it)… “Kita tubuhkan PERSATUAN”.

Whoa! Ain’t that really creative?

Then again, committees and associations are in fact a way of life here in Malaysia. I mean, half of the catering businesses in this country would quickly close shop if not for the various AGMs and EGMs of various committees and associations. Not to mention file and goodie bag makers…

So even when we move into areas supposedly committee-free – like this wonderful world of the Internet – there’s bound to be those who can't shake off that persatuan mentality.

And when there’s a persatuan, there’s bound to be politicking and power struggle (and fees collected for some stupid T-shirt). So, no thank you from me.

Besides, I’m still traumatised by the whole Persatuan Sejarah experience back in form 4.

Sexiest Season Is Here!

Yesiree. Last week, FHM UK announced the winner for its 2007 100 Sexiest Women in the World readers’ poll. (To browse this issue, just drop by my office. Bring a six pack of Coke and some money).

While the Malaysia and Singapore editions have just started the voting process via their May ’07 issues.

And if you’re lucky enough, you might be able to get your paws on the May issue of Stuff US (available at all sneaky newsstands) which comes with its own steaming hot 100 Sexiest Women booklet.

And I must say that Stuff’s list has some very unfamilliar names.

Like Melissa Baker…

And Petra Chanatova…


And Jessica Riccardi…


But what the hell, they’re hot and that’s pretty much all that matters. But do look out for MZ 2.0’s own Sexiest list coming up pretty soon!

The 7 Coolest Things Of The Past 7 Days

1. Spider-Man 3 swings into cinemas!
And earned a mind boggling USD148m on its opening weekend.

2. Dukes of Hazzard car sold for close to USD10m on e-bay!
Even with Jessica Simpson not included!

3. Borat named as one of Time magazine's 100 Most Influential People
While President Bush is axed from the list. I like!

4. Blake beat-boxing on Bon Jovi
Hate the hair, though.

5. Aznil to quit Akademi Fantasia
And let's not have him do any more promos in English, ok?

6. Sara Jean Underwood named Playboy magazine’s 2007 Playmate of the Year
Sara who? Check her out here. Kids, please stay away!

7. Midweek double holiday!
It should be a monthly occurrence, really.

The 3 Uncoolest Things

1. SportsCenter Malaysia
Stop trying too hard, guys. And STOP SHOUTING!!!

2. Paris jailed for violating probation
And how does this make the world a better place? Boo!

3. Akon in trouble
The rapper reportedly simulated a rape of a 15-year-old on stage during a concert in Trinidad. Dude, there’s an age limit to everything…

Cerita Chiangmai

It was 4 days of fun and frolic in the city of Chiangmai, Thailand. But oh, in case the big boss is reading this, we also had LOADS OF WORK DONE. So despite the many diversions, productivity was never compromised. The tons of Power Point presentations will prove this particular point.

DAY 1

Touched down on time in Chiangmai, a small miracle in itself when you take into consideration that we chose to fly AirAsia (Motto: “We try to be on time”).

The city looks ancient with old brick forts and walls being the common scenery.

We stayed at the D2 Hotel right smack in the middle of a bustling street. It looked cool on the website and guess what? – it’s cool in real life as well!


The décor's chic and cheery. And there was even a welcoming dance performed by the multi-talented staff.


After a quick lunch, it was straight to work and the first task of the day was to… play military dress up!

After an exhausting brainstorming session, it was time for a dinner adventure, which started with a tuk-tuk race, I mean, ride...

The place itself was culturally awesome, with sights and sounds unmistakably Thai. The night was perfect so far as we were treated to a feast and some enthusiastic dancing…

Then a storm broke out and people started to run for their lives. Well, kinda. People actually rushed out to save their shoes that had to be left out of the dining hall. But the storm did get worse and in the end, the lights (and the dancing) went kaput!

cxcx

DAY 2

More intense brainstorming…

And it got to the point where some of us just got so damn crazy...

But dinner that night was more of a chill-out occasion at the “beer garden” nicely setup in front of the hotel itself.

m.zulkifli

After which, I started to checkout the night bazaar along the main road. This is the place to go for Thai baju and seluar, scented candles and soaps, traditional art, pirated CDs and
“funny T-shirts”.

m.zulkifli

But no matter where you go these days, there’ll always be that sense of familiarity…

And oh, while I was doing all this, a group from the entourage went to see the world-famous "Simon's Cabaret Show", where they had a whale of a time. Damn!

DAY 3

More brainstorming, and more dressing up…

Even Superman dropped by… (that ain’t me, ok?)

But by the end of the sessions, some superb ideas did come out and no one actually got arrested for weird behaviour. Phew!

dasFrom right: Yours truly, creative guru Pete and that guy from some talent reality show…

There was time for some pampering though and a trip to this excellent spa did the trick.

Ah, the life…

DAY 4

Time to head home. Cue that Daughtry song…

Kaaa... Short time or long time?